A beautiful balmy spring evening, precursor to the summer nights ahead, spent quietly watching a few movies with a friend. She has been a terrific support, and it is nice knowing that at least one of my days off won't be spent sitting on my can and playing Bejeweled, lol.
I know I have said it before, but you really do need to appreciate friends, they have saved my tail, in more ways than one theses past few months since the "Dumping" as I have come to call it. I know how hard it must have been to even sit with me in January and February in the break room. I carried my wounded heart around and I know damn well I was stuck on one topic.
I had no one else to tell, and most of them patiently sat through my emotional trauma. But..when it came down to it, they were there for me. I can never express how much they helped me. Alone I do not know if I could have handled it past January. I am serious as hell about that..bad thoughts were there, and the only thing that saved me was my Dad and my friends. You need Never feel alone..if you have true friends. All of them in their own ways offered support, verbal, and physical when it came to moving day. I have never moved so fast in my life, and I have moved a lot. I was so afraid moving day would come and no one would show, but there they were..my life savers.
Today marked almost 1 month since I have moved in. (I am not keeping tally, it may not be exact) but I know it has been 4 weeks. It does feel more like home everyday, though I will Never like the whole laundromat thing, I cannot help it..lol..it just sucks. It would sure be nice if the units came with a stacked washer and dryer like some places I have lived previously. But since water is a paid utility included in the rent, I guess not. There are still a few things I would like to do here, but they will have to wait till funds are available.
I have to say, after the weeks have passed, that I am better for being away from Ford Circle. I had at one time hoped to stay till lease end, but now I know that would have been a mistake. So, for pushing me out the door (which really pissed me off at the time) I have to thank the ex. He may have felt he was doing me a disservice, but he really was not. It brought a separation that I needed. I found a quiet haven that I can came home to, one that does not have someone sitting next to me in the evenings that was a constant reminder of what I had lost, and a revolving message that I was not wanted, and had been replaced. Having that in my face each night was a losing battle. I tried ignoring, but that is next to impossible after 9 years of ties. Maybe he meant to be cruel, maybe he felt a grudge he needed to settle (for what I have no idea) but staying would have kept me a victim of his whims for 9 more months.
I had and have hopes that someday he and I can be friends, against the counsel of my closest friends. I know it sounds weird, especially after my venting here, but we did have some good times, not all spent in a bed. Besides, sex would never be a reason for me to fall for someone. It can be great, but it cannot be all. We had many nights of conversation, some after drinking too much, some just because. Some of our best times were in a car, just traveling, talking and singing. There was more to us than sexual escapades, but unfortunately that is what He was looking for, hence the ending of us. Someone younger and more malleable was found, someone who thought he was perfect. I have never believed he was, human is human. Plus, after our time together I knew him too well to worship, and that is what he was looking for. Perfect bliss...not really attainable for anyone.
And so I have survived, beyond what even I thought was possible when this all started. I will continue to move on as best as I can, with or without said friendship. I have said a great deal in this blog that is likely not agreeable to the one that it in many ways, it pertains to. If I have said too much, well..it needed to be said, by me. I refuse to bottle, it must come out. Every day is a chance to grow and heal. I like where I am now, even though it is far from perfect. Perfection is a myth, whether it is about relationships, places, jobs..it just does not exist. It is up to us to find what makes us happy.
Big Hugs to all,
K
tonight's musical dedication..just for kicks.."I'm too sexy"
Right Said Fred..there was this dude at Walmart..wearing shiny blue long
shorts, and a muscle top..pacing the parking lot talking on his cell..
I broke into "I'm too sexy for my shorts, too sexy for my shorts..so sexy it hurts."
Laughing my butt off..what a goober he was.
(I took a few moments and revamped the front page, if anyone notices the differences)
I know I have said it before, but you really do need to appreciate friends, they have saved my tail, in more ways than one theses past few months since the "Dumping" as I have come to call it. I know how hard it must have been to even sit with me in January and February in the break room. I carried my wounded heart around and I know damn well I was stuck on one topic.
I had no one else to tell, and most of them patiently sat through my emotional trauma. But..when it came down to it, they were there for me. I can never express how much they helped me. Alone I do not know if I could have handled it past January. I am serious as hell about that..bad thoughts were there, and the only thing that saved me was my Dad and my friends. You need Never feel alone..if you have true friends. All of them in their own ways offered support, verbal, and physical when it came to moving day. I have never moved so fast in my life, and I have moved a lot. I was so afraid moving day would come and no one would show, but there they were..my life savers.
Today marked almost 1 month since I have moved in. (I am not keeping tally, it may not be exact) but I know it has been 4 weeks. It does feel more like home everyday, though I will Never like the whole laundromat thing, I cannot help it..lol..it just sucks. It would sure be nice if the units came with a stacked washer and dryer like some places I have lived previously. But since water is a paid utility included in the rent, I guess not. There are still a few things I would like to do here, but they will have to wait till funds are available.
I have to say, after the weeks have passed, that I am better for being away from Ford Circle. I had at one time hoped to stay till lease end, but now I know that would have been a mistake. So, for pushing me out the door (which really pissed me off at the time) I have to thank the ex. He may have felt he was doing me a disservice, but he really was not. It brought a separation that I needed. I found a quiet haven that I can came home to, one that does not have someone sitting next to me in the evenings that was a constant reminder of what I had lost, and a revolving message that I was not wanted, and had been replaced. Having that in my face each night was a losing battle. I tried ignoring, but that is next to impossible after 9 years of ties. Maybe he meant to be cruel, maybe he felt a grudge he needed to settle (for what I have no idea) but staying would have kept me a victim of his whims for 9 more months.
I had and have hopes that someday he and I can be friends, against the counsel of my closest friends. I know it sounds weird, especially after my venting here, but we did have some good times, not all spent in a bed. Besides, sex would never be a reason for me to fall for someone. It can be great, but it cannot be all. We had many nights of conversation, some after drinking too much, some just because. Some of our best times were in a car, just traveling, talking and singing. There was more to us than sexual escapades, but unfortunately that is what He was looking for, hence the ending of us. Someone younger and more malleable was found, someone who thought he was perfect. I have never believed he was, human is human. Plus, after our time together I knew him too well to worship, and that is what he was looking for. Perfect bliss...not really attainable for anyone.
And so I have survived, beyond what even I thought was possible when this all started. I will continue to move on as best as I can, with or without said friendship. I have said a great deal in this blog that is likely not agreeable to the one that it in many ways, it pertains to. If I have said too much, well..it needed to be said, by me. I refuse to bottle, it must come out. Every day is a chance to grow and heal. I like where I am now, even though it is far from perfect. Perfection is a myth, whether it is about relationships, places, jobs..it just does not exist. It is up to us to find what makes us happy.
Big Hugs to all,
K
tonight's musical dedication..just for kicks.."I'm too sexy"
Right Said Fred..there was this dude at Walmart..wearing shiny blue long
shorts, and a muscle top..pacing the parking lot talking on his cell..
I broke into "I'm too sexy for my shorts, too sexy for my shorts..so sexy it hurts."
Laughing my butt off..what a goober he was.
(I took a few moments and revamped the front page, if anyone notices the differences)
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