I should probably start this entry by saying 'thank you'. In an odd way, despite the pain that was dealt to me by you, for your part in the ending of my relationship with R, you likely saved me from years of emotional torment. If you believed what was told to you about me, you had better have taken it with a grain of salt, because it is likely that most of it was untrue, and designed and delivered to best enforce sympathy and understanding. Manipulation is the name of the game little girl, and you are being played by one of the best.
If I was pictured as a paranoid untrusting person, perhaps you should pay attention to the next part. The cheating started 3 months after we first moved in together, that is about 6 months after we met. At that point, there was nothing but trust and love. The reason given for that cheating and for others that followed is " I am sick, I have no control. I don't know why I do it." So, he was forgiven, and I believed that it would never happen again.
The next time, that I knew about, was when I was given a possible diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Just before I went into the hospital for emergency surgery, there it was, on my computer, another woman and r's conversation. What was his reason that time? " I don't know why I did it, I am sorry." Try to understand, that the fear of what might be happening to me was hard enough to deal with, and then I had a lover-partner, who thought so little of me, that he was cheating at a terrible time in my life. And, I had just lost my mother and my youngest brother, within 2 months of each other. Granted he provided much needed support, but why did he have to cheat again?
There were, I am sure more chances and occasions in between that time and the next discovery, but I had stopped looking for them, because he promised he would stop. Then the next time came a year or so later. He now had his own computer, set up in his room. I walked past him and saw 2 different conversations with other woman. Instead of throwing a fit and screaming, I made a sarcastic remark " Oh,. I see you are talking to other women..again." For that one remark, he decided to move out and leave me. Why? Because I was not screaming? He had made plans to meet these women, that much information was given to me by his daughter, living with us at the time. And there were more than 2 he was involved with. I ended up in the hospital after his causal " I am leaving you" was tossed out as he left for work. I was shocked and horrified that he would just leave me. Tears by the millions followed that, I recovered thanks to my family and my friends. I was set to move into a place of my own when he had a change of heart and told me that he loved me and wanted me to move to West Virginia with him. (Yes, I had been talking to him, asking him why And that I loved him). Why did I say yes? Because I loved him. Why did he ask? Because he did not have the money to move and I did.
A year after the move, he was in a relationship with a co-worker, where he did actually meet her, not near work,. but 5 or 6 miles from our home. Where was I? I was commuting to try and keep a job that payed us enough to get by on. I was gone Friday through Sunday, (for over a year) returning Monday night.
So, I confronted her, loudly-at 6am in the morning. And again, he gave me excuses.
After that point, he advised me that I could check up on him whenever I wished, to see that he was being faithful. So I did, and he resented it. I did find that much of the porn on his computer was mostly about younger women . Then I found a picture of a woman, a picture taken at her home, in a negligee, not porn, from an email. I confronted. This was just after he proposed marriage to me. And along came you. Surprise, surprise. Younger, easy to manipulate...not one to ask questions, just adore his perfection.
You are ONE of a long line of women that he has used. If you ever think that you are the exception, you are seriously deceiving yourself. I tried for 9 years to be everything I could to make him happy. It is impossible. His unhappiness or unfaithfulness cannot be fixed by anyone but him. He was quite right so long ago to claim illness, because it is. You are setting yourself up for some serious pain. I should know, I have been there in that dark place at least twice because of him. The first time God saved me. The second time it was my Dad and my friends. The hurt that the two of you,( and yes I am blaming You as well,) caused me was so hateful..so cold. That is from a man who professed to love me till the end of time, many, many times, and a person who did not even know me. I guess without knowing the person you would be hurting it was much easier to play along and plan.
My only fault that he can claim legitimately is being untrusting. After reading this entry, it is obvious that my trust was many times challenged, and he was many times forgiven. I fought to keep him, because I loved him. Sharing him with other women was not something I could do and be happy. I even made promises to swing if he wanted me to, something I knew in my heart would hurt me badly, but I would have done anything to keep him faithful. If he maligned me in any other manner, I have no idea, because honestly, I did nothing but care for him and try to make his life better. I was not some screaming bitch, I did not play head games, and I NEVER once considered cheating on him. There was never a revenge extracted for the hurt he caused over and over, and likely there will not be now either. I don't roll that way.
I have tried to warn you twice now,. this is the third. I will have to be honest and say that I hope that nothing good comes to either of you. For the role you played, for the hateful planning he executed to someone who's only crime was to love him, I hope you both suffer for it. And I think that you will, because you cannot take my advice, you are poisoned already from him. It is only a matter of time now.
At 50 I am starting over. I had planned and hoped I would be spending my life with him. Now I am without enough to survive to any kind of retirement. I left a good paying job to be with him, and went through my entire $24,000 401 K to help him and help us. He claims I stole from him..he is projecting what he did to me. I have very little to thank him for at this time. He took my life..used it, and threw it away when someone younger came along, and I could no longer be of financial assistance to him. He decided it was not worth his while to be forgiven again.
I wonder what reasons he will give you?
If I was pictured as a paranoid untrusting person, perhaps you should pay attention to the next part. The cheating started 3 months after we first moved in together, that is about 6 months after we met. At that point, there was nothing but trust and love. The reason given for that cheating and for others that followed is " I am sick, I have no control. I don't know why I do it." So, he was forgiven, and I believed that it would never happen again.
The next time, that I knew about, was when I was given a possible diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Just before I went into the hospital for emergency surgery, there it was, on my computer, another woman and r's conversation. What was his reason that time? " I don't know why I did it, I am sorry." Try to understand, that the fear of what might be happening to me was hard enough to deal with, and then I had a lover-partner, who thought so little of me, that he was cheating at a terrible time in my life. And, I had just lost my mother and my youngest brother, within 2 months of each other. Granted he provided much needed support, but why did he have to cheat again?
There were, I am sure more chances and occasions in between that time and the next discovery, but I had stopped looking for them, because he promised he would stop. Then the next time came a year or so later. He now had his own computer, set up in his room. I walked past him and saw 2 different conversations with other woman. Instead of throwing a fit and screaming, I made a sarcastic remark " Oh,. I see you are talking to other women..again." For that one remark, he decided to move out and leave me. Why? Because I was not screaming? He had made plans to meet these women, that much information was given to me by his daughter, living with us at the time. And there were more than 2 he was involved with. I ended up in the hospital after his causal " I am leaving you" was tossed out as he left for work. I was shocked and horrified that he would just leave me. Tears by the millions followed that, I recovered thanks to my family and my friends. I was set to move into a place of my own when he had a change of heart and told me that he loved me and wanted me to move to West Virginia with him. (Yes, I had been talking to him, asking him why And that I loved him). Why did I say yes? Because I loved him. Why did he ask? Because he did not have the money to move and I did.
A year after the move, he was in a relationship with a co-worker, where he did actually meet her, not near work,. but 5 or 6 miles from our home. Where was I? I was commuting to try and keep a job that payed us enough to get by on. I was gone Friday through Sunday, (for over a year) returning Monday night.
So, I confronted her, loudly-at 6am in the morning. And again, he gave me excuses.
After that point, he advised me that I could check up on him whenever I wished, to see that he was being faithful. So I did, and he resented it. I did find that much of the porn on his computer was mostly about younger women . Then I found a picture of a woman, a picture taken at her home, in a negligee, not porn, from an email. I confronted. This was just after he proposed marriage to me. And along came you. Surprise, surprise. Younger, easy to manipulate...not one to ask questions, just adore his perfection.
You are ONE of a long line of women that he has used. If you ever think that you are the exception, you are seriously deceiving yourself. I tried for 9 years to be everything I could to make him happy. It is impossible. His unhappiness or unfaithfulness cannot be fixed by anyone but him. He was quite right so long ago to claim illness, because it is. You are setting yourself up for some serious pain. I should know, I have been there in that dark place at least twice because of him. The first time God saved me. The second time it was my Dad and my friends. The hurt that the two of you,( and yes I am blaming You as well,) caused me was so hateful..so cold. That is from a man who professed to love me till the end of time, many, many times, and a person who did not even know me. I guess without knowing the person you would be hurting it was much easier to play along and plan.
My only fault that he can claim legitimately is being untrusting. After reading this entry, it is obvious that my trust was many times challenged, and he was many times forgiven. I fought to keep him, because I loved him. Sharing him with other women was not something I could do and be happy. I even made promises to swing if he wanted me to, something I knew in my heart would hurt me badly, but I would have done anything to keep him faithful. If he maligned me in any other manner, I have no idea, because honestly, I did nothing but care for him and try to make his life better. I was not some screaming bitch, I did not play head games, and I NEVER once considered cheating on him. There was never a revenge extracted for the hurt he caused over and over, and likely there will not be now either. I don't roll that way.
I have tried to warn you twice now,. this is the third. I will have to be honest and say that I hope that nothing good comes to either of you. For the role you played, for the hateful planning he executed to someone who's only crime was to love him, I hope you both suffer for it. And I think that you will, because you cannot take my advice, you are poisoned already from him. It is only a matter of time now.
At 50 I am starting over. I had planned and hoped I would be spending my life with him. Now I am without enough to survive to any kind of retirement. I left a good paying job to be with him, and went through my entire $24,000 401 K to help him and help us. He claims I stole from him..he is projecting what he did to me. I have very little to thank him for at this time. He took my life..used it, and threw it away when someone younger came along, and I could no longer be of financial assistance to him. He decided it was not worth his while to be forgiven again.
I wonder what reasons he will give you?
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