I've decided I am not yet ready to search for someone new. I have way too much emotional baggage to deal with personally, and it would really screw up any new relationship. The only response I have had so far on the dating site was from a much older man who was just looking for sex...umm..NO.
I canceled my subscription. Someday I might go back, but it seems forced and unnatural to send these questions and wait for responses. Some of the guys had interesting and humorous bio's, but I felt like I was shopping online. I may be lonely, and I may really need an ego boost, but this just screams of desperation. I think I would rather be alone than to do this now. If it does not feel right to me I believe I will trust my instincts, they usually do not lead me astray. It's when I don't listen to them that I cause trouble for myself.
So...if Mr Right is out there, it will just have to happen naturally. Otherwise, it's the old lady with her cats and the rocking chair for me. Maybe I should find and like myself first. This blog is actually the way I should be going...exploring my own gifts, finding self awareness, and not falling for the easy path. I do not want, and cannot deal with another relationship like the one that has just ended. I've had enough crushing of my heart to fill up my lifetime. Any more would tip me over..and that I cannot deal with at this point, I'm simply not strong enough yet.
If I ever will be? Really not sure, but I am leaning towards No. I don't deal well with heartache of this magnitude, as you can obviously see from my writing here.
Maybe it will be the old lady with her cats. At least I know love from them will not be taken away.
They are not looking for something better, they are content to know that they are loved and give love back without having to compare me with someone else. I will simply have to find something else to devote my heart too other than another man. That scenario just seems so very pointless to me...another set up, and another failure. I don't think I am capable of trusting anyone of the male gender ever again...the lesson has been branded into my heart..I am an easy mark for the con-men, the liars, the users. There will be no giving my love away again to have it tossed back at me like it's something distasteful and not needed any longer.
I canceled my subscription. Someday I might go back, but it seems forced and unnatural to send these questions and wait for responses. Some of the guys had interesting and humorous bio's, but I felt like I was shopping online. I may be lonely, and I may really need an ego boost, but this just screams of desperation. I think I would rather be alone than to do this now. If it does not feel right to me I believe I will trust my instincts, they usually do not lead me astray. It's when I don't listen to them that I cause trouble for myself.
So...if Mr Right is out there, it will just have to happen naturally. Otherwise, it's the old lady with her cats and the rocking chair for me. Maybe I should find and like myself first. This blog is actually the way I should be going...exploring my own gifts, finding self awareness, and not falling for the easy path. I do not want, and cannot deal with another relationship like the one that has just ended. I've had enough crushing of my heart to fill up my lifetime. Any more would tip me over..and that I cannot deal with at this point, I'm simply not strong enough yet.
If I ever will be? Really not sure, but I am leaning towards No. I don't deal well with heartache of this magnitude, as you can obviously see from my writing here.
Maybe it will be the old lady with her cats. At least I know love from them will not be taken away.
They are not looking for something better, they are content to know that they are loved and give love back without having to compare me with someone else. I will simply have to find something else to devote my heart too other than another man. That scenario just seems so very pointless to me...another set up, and another failure. I don't think I am capable of trusting anyone of the male gender ever again...the lesson has been branded into my heart..I am an easy mark for the con-men, the liars, the users. There will be no giving my love away again to have it tossed back at me like it's something distasteful and not needed any longer.
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