Ron has consistently proven throughout his adult life that faithfulness is not something he is very good at. He can give all kinds of reasons why, usually blaming the other party, but the simple truth is he is not capable of it. He did it to his wife, he did it with me, and he will continue to do so, it is his way. No matter what favorable impression his newest has made on other people, the fact is that it will not make a difference. Whether it is 6 months, or 10 years from now, he will again cheat. He likely cannot change, and though I wanted to believe that I could change that, it is not possible. His newest love will be an old love someday, her turn will come.
Right now he is either fuming at the amount of debate that is on his blog, or he is digging the fact that women are fighting about him. (there is that mighty ego to take into consideration.) Personally I believe he is fuming, just from the fact that I know him. When he decides to ignore someone, he wants them to remain ignored. He took his magic eraser and removed them from his life and wants then to shut up and go away. Yeah Dude, I do know you.
N-- as for him being afraid that I would do something bad..I had already done it, and regretted panicking immediately. I went through weeks of crying, just like this time. I had been actively looking to move into a place with Michelle, and was ready to put down first and last rent. His decision, after the fact, to declare love for me again, and move us to WV nixes that idea of that "fear." He could have ended it right at that point. Plus, the way this all was handled, it was done to inflict the most amount of pain he could, the entire show. There was no concern on his part. And that does not explain the years of his cheating. He did not just wake up and want something new, he always wants something new.
Now on to the negativity remarks that have followed me for 9 years...So Much BULLSHIT. I am tired of hearing it. I was no more negative then the people I was living with. Both of you..we all have happy days and sad days, I did not live in Negative Land. I've asked a few other people, (friends and family) if they perceive me that way, and they have known me just as long. Likely since I worked with them, or lived with them, they saw more of me than you did. The answer was No. I think you have very weird perception of what is negative and positive. Chalk up another full of crap excuse from you. It is obvious that I never stopped dreaming right up until the dumping. To me, if you do not dream, then you do not have hope in your heart, and then you are negative. I never stopped dreaming until you tore it apart.
So Good Grief, and good riddance that I will no longer be misunderstood. I am..the Queen of Sarcasm, formally the Princess. It was passed on from my Grandmother and my Father. In my family it is an admired trait, a dry sense of humor, and a way of laughing at the world. Whenever you heard it, all you could think was "negative." I can remember my family get together's where a good time was spent around the table poking fun and making witty remarks. That is what I grew up with. That is what I also had with my ex's family. They never saw me in the light that you two did, and I was with them for over 20 years.
N- Sorry, but I feel that you hang onto that belief because it was the excuse your father made up. He was and is 100 times more negative in his view of the world than I ever was. Both of you must have had a very limited exposure to sarcasm before you met me, or you relate it to someone else. His is a great example of the pot calling the kettle black. Neither one of you ever truly understood me. He made an issue out of his own tissue of lies, something said as an excuse for his own behavior. When I was brought up I was taught that doing right instead of wrong was important; to be truthful to yourself and others . Obviously my personal beliefs were not wanted. It did not suit the lifestyle he has chosen for himself. So, though I tried, I did not fit in. He did not want me to. Oh well. So Be It.
(And, I am sorry N, you are just repeating what you father told you, in quite a few things. I told you before that I understand, I truly do. If I was in your place and it was my father I would stand up for him too. A hug, I hope you will accept in memory of better days)
R- I stayed with you because I loved you. When we met you told me you were divorced, or omitted the information, because you knew my stance on married men. It was not until we had fallen in love that the truth came out. So I stayed, not sticking with my principals, because of Love. Through good times and bad I stayed by your side and I did not quit. If that is not optimism then I do not know what else it could be. I believed in you.
You Never Believed in Me. You could not have. You were always looking for something better.
So I made the biggest mistake of my life, and that was loving you.
And now..my goal is to someday be able to say the same as you, "You really do not matter to me anymore." To have years go by and never think of you at all. I want to, and plan to, do the same thing that you have done to others, erase you from my memory. I have no desire to spend endless years thinking about someone who was never worth the pain it cost in loving you. I've already lost too much time on a hopeless cause, You.
I will not wish you luck. Why? Because as I have said here and in other blogs, you planned all of this. You inflicted as much pain as you possibly could and got a sick kick out of it. Maybe for the first time you did not hide the real you, the Bully, and the cruelty you think is an admirable trait. You do not get well wishes for something like that.
As for me, I am just waiting for time to work it's magic.
Goodnite, and thankfully, I AM too good for you, you never deserved the chances I gave you in hopes there was a better man inside of you. He is not there.
k
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