I am borrowing Martha Stewart's favorite catch phrase tonight, lol..and though I have in the past tried to decorate like her, this has nothing to do with being artsy. It has to do with necessity and re-invention. My necessity? Making ends meet..it truly is my weakest and most problematic area. Re-invention..well, I am talking about me.
Way back (in the stone age) when I was 19 and had yet to meet my first love, I was also inventing myself. I went to school and worked, accomplishing a raise to assistant manager of a fast food eatery out in California, while trying to get a job in the medical profession. I thrived on the challenge, did a good job, and would have possibly moved further if not for 2 things:
One: As you can note from my blog, I hate liars. I had an employee come to me stating the other assistant was leaving the store during his shift to go get high. I went to the Manager and advised him what had been said. Stupid me..the girl..did not think that the Manager would stick up for the other dude. Well, he did. He stared right at me and said.." I have heard that you do this also." I saw RED. Righteously pissed off I turned in my 2 week notice right there and then. No, I had never done that, but the Manager had, and he was covering his own ass.
Two: I met someone and fell in love for the first time in my life. It was all consuming, every thought, all my time not at work or school..he was all that mattered. I shoved the need to succeed in leaps and bounds back further on the stove. Next came a wedding to plan, and finally the housewife who also worked 40 hours. I gave up ambition for love. I never stopped working, or hoping that something fantastic would come along as a job, but I was not pushing.
When I met Mr Dumper, ( as I am the dumpee) very shortly after moving in with him I got a fantastic job, best pay I have ever had, benefits, 401 K, profit sharing , and the chance for promotion. I turned "My" promotion down. Why? for quality of life. I simply preferred a better home life over a job that would never let me take time off (due to work load) and work me 10 hrs a day 5 days a week.. If I had moved up when I was offered the chance, I'd likely still be there. Shortly after that they started to eliminate employees that were getting older, getting good pay, and were not advancing. ( company could hire younger people for less, and they preferred those who were attending school)
So, to sum this up..I am no longer concerned with quality of life. I really don't have much of a life anymore. All my trying to make life better for the two of us was a huge waste of time, and unappreciated by him. I am now in the position that if I did take a job that asked more from me I could give it, and not worry how it was affecting US, or if he was using my time away to cheat on me..which was a very real possibility seeing how often he tried before he succeeded. And who knows, maybe he was successful before this dumping...I suspect he did. ( the 'date' at Red and Betty's, and the love messages to his co-worker at the time)
I am pushing forward to better me for a change, and not to stand behind and root for someone who barely appreciated me. I interviewed after work tonight, and I felt I did quite well. I have no intention of sitting on my laurels anymore. I am capable of more and I intend to go for it. For the better salary, and for myself.
I need a sense of accomplishment, especially after losing so badly in love as I have these past 9 years. So, maybe the dumping was a Good thing, for me that is.. I've learned the hard way that giving everything you had to someone and losing them despite it all, wasted so much time that I could have used to help me..in work, and in life. Maybe someday I will find love again...but instead of standing behind them in support, I will stand next to them and expect the same respect as I give them returned. I am through with cheating myself, and other cheaters, of any kind.
Song dedication: From the Sound of Music:
"Climb every mountain"
Way back (in the stone age) when I was 19 and had yet to meet my first love, I was also inventing myself. I went to school and worked, accomplishing a raise to assistant manager of a fast food eatery out in California, while trying to get a job in the medical profession. I thrived on the challenge, did a good job, and would have possibly moved further if not for 2 things:
One: As you can note from my blog, I hate liars. I had an employee come to me stating the other assistant was leaving the store during his shift to go get high. I went to the Manager and advised him what had been said. Stupid me..the girl..did not think that the Manager would stick up for the other dude. Well, he did. He stared right at me and said.." I have heard that you do this also." I saw RED. Righteously pissed off I turned in my 2 week notice right there and then. No, I had never done that, but the Manager had, and he was covering his own ass.
Two: I met someone and fell in love for the first time in my life. It was all consuming, every thought, all my time not at work or school..he was all that mattered. I shoved the need to succeed in leaps and bounds back further on the stove. Next came a wedding to plan, and finally the housewife who also worked 40 hours. I gave up ambition for love. I never stopped working, or hoping that something fantastic would come along as a job, but I was not pushing.
When I met Mr Dumper, ( as I am the dumpee) very shortly after moving in with him I got a fantastic job, best pay I have ever had, benefits, 401 K, profit sharing , and the chance for promotion. I turned "My" promotion down. Why? for quality of life. I simply preferred a better home life over a job that would never let me take time off (due to work load) and work me 10 hrs a day 5 days a week.. If I had moved up when I was offered the chance, I'd likely still be there. Shortly after that they started to eliminate employees that were getting older, getting good pay, and were not advancing. ( company could hire younger people for less, and they preferred those who were attending school)
So, to sum this up..I am no longer concerned with quality of life. I really don't have much of a life anymore. All my trying to make life better for the two of us was a huge waste of time, and unappreciated by him. I am now in the position that if I did take a job that asked more from me I could give it, and not worry how it was affecting US, or if he was using my time away to cheat on me..which was a very real possibility seeing how often he tried before he succeeded. And who knows, maybe he was successful before this dumping...I suspect he did. ( the 'date' at Red and Betty's, and the love messages to his co-worker at the time)
I am pushing forward to better me for a change, and not to stand behind and root for someone who barely appreciated me. I interviewed after work tonight, and I felt I did quite well. I have no intention of sitting on my laurels anymore. I am capable of more and I intend to go for it. For the better salary, and for myself.
I need a sense of accomplishment, especially after losing so badly in love as I have these past 9 years. So, maybe the dumping was a Good thing, for me that is.. I've learned the hard way that giving everything you had to someone and losing them despite it all, wasted so much time that I could have used to help me..in work, and in life. Maybe someday I will find love again...but instead of standing behind them in support, I will stand next to them and expect the same respect as I give them returned. I am through with cheating myself, and other cheaters, of any kind.
Song dedication: From the Sound of Music:
"Climb every mountain"
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