Well the race to get things accomplished is in high gear. Wish my body thought so too, lol. Sleepy and not too inspired, but I am going..yep, I'm going..watch me..standing up..not. Lol. So much still to do to prepare. Today will be the shelves and weeding out what to keep and give to the local library. I also want to pack the fine china. I am hoping that one of my nieces will find a home for it, it was my Mothers. I hate losing it, but without a hutch and table, what would I do with it? I doubt that I will be entertaining family as I used to, my future closet is not big enough for a group to hang out in. It will just be me and Gil. Losing the last of my old life to start a new life..memories of dinners enjoyed around that table, holiday meals, a new house...it seems so long ago now. I miss having family close by, though it was sometimes hectic we knew we had each other. Now I have lost some to God, and lost some to distance too far to travel.
So I am preparing myself for that last loss, the ending of a happier time in my life, memories to smile ruefully over. We had a different set of problems back then, today's problems seem much more drastic and final. I never worried that my family would kick me out or disown me as that is how this part of my life is ending. What was once a wonderful friendship and a loving and happy relationship, now shut down for one person's warped view of life. I am not thrilled to be starting over at his command, but I guess that I will have to. I'll have to wait and see what the future holds for me. At least I leave without tears, and knowing that I did my best. He never really tried, just made excuses, and in the end, ran away from our life together because he felt life was cheating him somehow. I've listened to endless litanies of how he felt he could be more but somehow he was left out. Finding someone new won't fix the brokenness, only cover it for a short while.
So I am preparing myself for that last loss, the ending of a happier time in my life, memories to smile ruefully over. We had a different set of problems back then, today's problems seem much more drastic and final. I never worried that my family would kick me out or disown me as that is how this part of my life is ending. What was once a wonderful friendship and a loving and happy relationship, now shut down for one person's warped view of life. I am not thrilled to be starting over at his command, but I guess that I will have to. I'll have to wait and see what the future holds for me. At least I leave without tears, and knowing that I did my best. He never really tried, just made excuses, and in the end, ran away from our life together because he felt life was cheating him somehow. I've listened to endless litanies of how he felt he could be more but somehow he was left out. Finding someone new won't fix the brokenness, only cover it for a short while.
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