Dear friends and neighbors Welcome!
To the first session in Asshole school.
Don't fear, the lesson is quite simple,
just about anyone can learn, even the emotionally challenged!
Before we can begin, everyone must throw out all maturity
and think about the person they would most like to hurt
or mess with..Ok, everybody ready?
First, make sure the person you want to stick it to
is unprepared for your vindictiveness.
Then, do something really wonderful for them,
something they have dreamed about for years. * proceed to deliver*
Think about how to best attack that dream
(you can collaborate with your new partner if needed)
so that you can crush them enough to almost draw blood. * deliver the bad news*
Then after the blow is stuck..sit back, and show No remorse
and act like your heart is encased in ice.
Relax and enjoy the early moments when they cannot
stop crying because the pain is so horrible. * isn't it wonderful?*
Then as they are in attempted recovery from the
shitty lesson you have given them,
take every opportunity to dig a little deeper.
Make sure that your maturity does not sneak back,
it's important that you show them how much of an
idiot you can be.
Also, it is very important that you impress upon your
victim that this is final, so make sure you instruct them
to never forgive you for your actions. (because...seriously
they might be a good person, and forgiveness is a part of that package.)
Now, just when they appear to be getting over the hurt and anger
you must remind them daily just how much they do not matter
anymore..we would not want them to hope.
Make sure you constantly talk to your collaborator, in an almost
non-stop marathon of calls, text and chat.
* we recommend talking out loud to them as though they were there*
Show that silly person who is being shown who you really are
that they are insignificant and you are so very happy to have
hurt them.
And Voila! You have Mastered the lesson of being an asshole.
Congratulations, we hope you have enjoyed the lesson.
Next Weeks lesson " How to be a F-ing dick in a short period of time"
*Please note our services are free, and we are not responsible for
any backlash, disappointment or failure to produce the required
hurt and tears.
**Contra-Indications- we are not responsible for you remaining
an asshole for the rest of your life. Other side effects:
some of our test subjects have experienced-unexpected revenge, bad karma, and a
severe personality defect that caused their head to be stuck up their butt permanently.**
To the first session in Asshole school.
Don't fear, the lesson is quite simple,
just about anyone can learn, even the emotionally challenged!
Before we can begin, everyone must throw out all maturity
and think about the person they would most like to hurt
or mess with..Ok, everybody ready?
First, make sure the person you want to stick it to
is unprepared for your vindictiveness.
Then, do something really wonderful for them,
something they have dreamed about for years. * proceed to deliver*
Think about how to best attack that dream
(you can collaborate with your new partner if needed)
so that you can crush them enough to almost draw blood. * deliver the bad news*
Then after the blow is stuck..sit back, and show No remorse
and act like your heart is encased in ice.
Relax and enjoy the early moments when they cannot
stop crying because the pain is so horrible. * isn't it wonderful?*
Then as they are in attempted recovery from the
shitty lesson you have given them,
take every opportunity to dig a little deeper.
Make sure that your maturity does not sneak back,
it's important that you show them how much of an
idiot you can be.
Also, it is very important that you impress upon your
victim that this is final, so make sure you instruct them
to never forgive you for your actions. (because...seriously
they might be a good person, and forgiveness is a part of that package.)
Now, just when they appear to be getting over the hurt and anger
you must remind them daily just how much they do not matter
anymore..we would not want them to hope.
Make sure you constantly talk to your collaborator, in an almost
non-stop marathon of calls, text and chat.
* we recommend talking out loud to them as though they were there*
Show that silly person who is being shown who you really are
that they are insignificant and you are so very happy to have
hurt them.
And Voila! You have Mastered the lesson of being an asshole.
Congratulations, we hope you have enjoyed the lesson.
Next Weeks lesson " How to be a F-ing dick in a short period of time"
*Please note our services are free, and we are not responsible for
any backlash, disappointment or failure to produce the required
hurt and tears.
**Contra-Indications- we are not responsible for you remaining
an asshole for the rest of your life. Other side effects:
some of our test subjects have experienced-unexpected revenge, bad karma, and a
severe personality defect that caused their head to be stuck up their butt permanently.**
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