And They Lived Happily Ever After

After work today, while I was running around with chores, a thought crossed my mind about folks who stay together...well..it seems like forever. Today's couples don't devote themselves ( or rarely do) to making a marriage work, and staying friends and the love of each others life. We fail to have patience, perseverance, and love for each other without our "Me's" getting in the way. 

I believe that what makes a couple stay in love for 50 years or more is the lack of selfishness.  We live in a world that is very "Me" oriented. What do I get out of this? Why is my piece smaller? How come I can't do what I want all the time?  I am sure that there are some marriages that have a happy couples that both go their own ways...and meet somewhere in the middle, especially since in today's world both people need to work. But it seems so separate..distancing yourselves from your partner, till one day sit together and wonder" who is this person?" 

It is true that couples who came before carried a great deal less stress about the economy, and job performance demands. Our society as a whole is in high gear all the dang time from work, to home, to making deadlines, to driving their children all over creation for some event that puts everyone in a major hurry, and leaves little time for family or conversation. It also separates us, being pulled in too many directions to have time for each other. It becomes "My life" my work" and not "our lives and our home." 

But take a good look at Grandmother and Grandfather...they still move at the pace they established when they got married. We like to growl at them on the roads because they are too slow, or take forever to make a decision that we want right now.  Why do they still have love for each other? Because it is "Their marriage" and "their time together, " and they would not dream of something different, because this has worked for 50 years. 

I envy them, I truly do. I thought that I had found that forever twice in my life, only to find that both times my partner had grown apart from me. Other than baking cookies and goodies constantly( so not me), I felt that I helped my partner to my fullest ability. I believed I shared myself and my thoughts with them, and my love. If had more time then they did, I helped with chores that were not my responsibility, because I was sharing out of love for them.

My first did not know how to share his thoughts, and in some respects, neither did my second. First husband just never developed a joy in conversation that I had, never shared what he felt. Second Mr Forever said one thing and did another. His real thoughts were never shared, not until it was too late for me to help or to repair what he believed was wrong.  Also Second Mr Forever feels somehow that I have stolen from him, what was rightfully his. 

What is that you say? He helped pay bills that we BOTH accrued on credit under My name. If it was both of Our debts, how did I steal from him? Because it was My name on the stupid card? How did I take when I believed it was shared? I did that for him to help him out of tight financial difficulties. I assumed (somehow wrongly) that he would also help me when work was not what it had been before we moved someplace new, at his decision. Together, not separate,that is what marriage is about. And so he ran from me before marriage could happen, finding someone else he considered less of a thief I guess. I was quite honest about how he was helping..maybe I should not have mentioned it, or maybe I should have stressed that this was "OUR" debt.

I guess it matters not at this point. I have been left with my debt, and the love I believed we shared has been taken away.  He has moved onto someone else..since I was such a bad person that took from him what he considered his alone. As I stated earlier in this entry, it was not an "OUR", it was a "MINE", and I don't believe a marriage or a relationship can survive if you separate it from "Us."  His concept of marriage is separate lives, and mine will always be together as a couple..maybe I am just an old fashioned lady. I sure do wish I could  have had in this lifetime found someone who would have stood beside me with love 'together' into the Golden years, and lived happily ever after. Sadly the "Me" in today has won.

Song dedication tonight" Those were the days", theme song from All in the Family.
or---"StarDust", it was a favorite of my Grandmother.