The perception of what is true, and what is false completely depends on a person's personal view.
If you have been lied to, you develop a distrust of the person who lies to you, and I think that is normal. We may try to overcome our distrust, but the seed is there, the damage is done. If you happened to be lied to, or cheated on several times by the same person, it is extremely doubtful that they can redeem themselves or you can heal..unless..they never do it again after the FIRST time. Any further lies just cause a cancer that grows in our minds, you can treat it, but staying in remission long has a poor prognosis.
It is absolutely amazing how someone who is untruthful, or even unfaithful, can see themselves as the injured party. Why? Warped rationalization. " I did this..because you did this", even if the other person had just cause. Do questions of faithfulness give someone a reason to be unfaithful? Hell No. It has Always been my way to be direct, otherwise I sit and stew, and it just grows. So I confront. It is the ADULT answer, and the healthiest thing to do, for both parties. Using a question of fidelity as reason to cheat is very much a giant " You said that..so I did this..So There!"
How many times does one have to discover an affair in the making( or already made) before they constantly worry that another one is starting? Two, three, maybe more? When their partner acts secretive, uncommunicative,or defensive, it triggers a response, that you can fight, but ultimately lose. So, blaming me for feeling paranoid about something that has happened more times than it ever should have over a 9 year period, and using it as justification to have the affair that You really wanted to have, is just complete and utter bullshit.
I have said this before, and I am not saying it out of meanness..you are broken. If happiness is a constant search ( happiness--which you preach comes from within-not with out) to find sexual gratification, then you will not stay happy..ever, Because you also find boredom just as often. That you damaged me in the process of your search cannot be blamed on me, ever. That my brokenness was the excuse you used to start another affair and end our relationship is the biggest lie you have ever told to yourself.
I know I am broken..I accept that. The damage I received has made me worry that I will never be able to trust another man. I can thank you for that. But I will never accept your excuse that I caused you to end us, you did that. It is a convenient alibi to make you out to be the injured party. And that is so not true. Your perception of truth is way the heck off, and I dare you to take a lie detector test. I triple dog dare you.
I am also adult enough to admit that I should have Left You long ago. That your pattern of infidelity was something I hoped I could fix with Love, or you would grow out of, was just wishful thinking and deepest wanting on my part. I loved you with everything I am, and all I wanted was a partner who loved me back and never wanted someone else instead of me. I should have stopped being a closet optimist and faced hard truths and pain long before this. But I wanted us desperately and instead I stayed in hope that you would change. It seems that was not possible, change is something that you can make for yourself, not for others. That was my mistake, my lie to myself. So, you are not alone in self lies. I can see mine, can you see yours?
If you have been lied to, you develop a distrust of the person who lies to you, and I think that is normal. We may try to overcome our distrust, but the seed is there, the damage is done. If you happened to be lied to, or cheated on several times by the same person, it is extremely doubtful that they can redeem themselves or you can heal..unless..they never do it again after the FIRST time. Any further lies just cause a cancer that grows in our minds, you can treat it, but staying in remission long has a poor prognosis.
It is absolutely amazing how someone who is untruthful, or even unfaithful, can see themselves as the injured party. Why? Warped rationalization. " I did this..because you did this", even if the other person had just cause. Do questions of faithfulness give someone a reason to be unfaithful? Hell No. It has Always been my way to be direct, otherwise I sit and stew, and it just grows. So I confront. It is the ADULT answer, and the healthiest thing to do, for both parties. Using a question of fidelity as reason to cheat is very much a giant " You said that..so I did this..So There!"
How many times does one have to discover an affair in the making( or already made) before they constantly worry that another one is starting? Two, three, maybe more? When their partner acts secretive, uncommunicative,or defensive, it triggers a response, that you can fight, but ultimately lose. So, blaming me for feeling paranoid about something that has happened more times than it ever should have over a 9 year period, and using it as justification to have the affair that You really wanted to have, is just complete and utter bullshit.
I have said this before, and I am not saying it out of meanness..you are broken. If happiness is a constant search ( happiness--which you preach comes from within-not with out) to find sexual gratification, then you will not stay happy..ever, Because you also find boredom just as often. That you damaged me in the process of your search cannot be blamed on me, ever. That my brokenness was the excuse you used to start another affair and end our relationship is the biggest lie you have ever told to yourself.
I know I am broken..I accept that. The damage I received has made me worry that I will never be able to trust another man. I can thank you for that. But I will never accept your excuse that I caused you to end us, you did that. It is a convenient alibi to make you out to be the injured party. And that is so not true. Your perception of truth is way the heck off, and I dare you to take a lie detector test. I triple dog dare you.
I am also adult enough to admit that I should have Left You long ago. That your pattern of infidelity was something I hoped I could fix with Love, or you would grow out of, was just wishful thinking and deepest wanting on my part. I loved you with everything I am, and all I wanted was a partner who loved me back and never wanted someone else instead of me. I should have stopped being a closet optimist and faced hard truths and pain long before this. But I wanted us desperately and instead I stayed in hope that you would change. It seems that was not possible, change is something that you can make for yourself, not for others. That was my mistake, my lie to myself. So, you are not alone in self lies. I can see mine, can you see yours?
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