Eyes shuttered,
hiding the window that frames the soul.
brown that used to sparkle
with merry intent,
a smile from within
their depths,
not always shown through generous smiles.
The secrets of faith and love
used to live there,
and hope would frequently peek
through.
Now all three fading, whispered away,
by memories, lost efforts, and
overwhelming odds.
Strangely once the lids rise
there is no message of despair written there,
just acceptance of now;
clearly seeing past, present and future.
The doors from the past are locked,
the future shrinking, doors disappearing,
a maze that used to be wider with possibilities.
All seen with eyes that have seen too much,
and have become guarded instead of
hope filled,
No longer wishing, no longer wanting.
just waiting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems I have come full circle,
though I know full well that the past is forever gone.
No mystery there, it has been made quite clear
in the total silence and my permanent removal from all thoughts
that are his. Message delivered, no secret that I no longer exist anywhere in his world.
He shuns his past to make it disappear, because then none of it ever happened from his prospective.
(An ostrich with it's head in the sand, hiding only from them-self.)
These are just my observations, I don't care what you make of it. Helping you was something I once tried to do, but not anymore. No sense in caring about someone who could care less about me, especially when by their actions they put me in harms way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Believe it or not, I have healed from the hurt inflicted, but the hope that I kept clinging to
for a future of my own is fading away,
and I am once again adrift, not sure where
I will end up when all things come to pass.
I work, I sleep, I am moving through days
that blend one into another.
If I catch hope again, it would be welcome,
but I have become wary of false hope, it is a
present wrapped up around a booby-trap.
A lesson I did learn from him...
with apathy, you don't care anymore,
you shut off your feelings till not a drop
comes out, no emotions, no pain.
His last gift to me, one learned by experiencing
the effect.
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